Argh, I just have to vent somewhere. Why is it that I am always the one that ends up changing the most drastically? I am trying really hard to be supportive, understanding and meeting my husband's needs. So, why is it that he can't seem to do the same for me after saying that he is going to? I hate to complain, but I feel like I am the only one trying to change. I have lost count of the times that we have talked about this same exact thing and yet the same thing happens every single time. He's always saying that if such and such happens in our marriage then such and such will just naturally follow. Well, I'm sorry, but it never has and still isn't. I am tired, discouraged and feeling defeated. I am at a loss as to what to do because it doesn't seem to sink in to him no matter how much we talk about it. This whole mess has brought us closer in many ways, but some things just never seem to change. I need to stay in continual prayer in this area as it is something I continually struggle with. I can only control myself, so I need to adjust my attitude and realize that I am the only one who can make me happy. I cannot count on anyone else to make me happy. They can only add to my happiness. I just needed to get that off my chest as my feelings are really getting to me these past few days. It is not good to keep them pent up inside. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We need them for more than just the current circumstances. Thank you for being there for me and for us. Well, I am off to bed.
P.S. I did not type this to dis my husband but to share how I am feeling, so please don't take this the wrong way. My blog is the only way to get things off my chest as there is no one close-by that I feel free to share such things with. So, please respect my privacy and do not share this with anyone else. Thanks.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Well, it's happened.
I guess the cat is out of the bag now. The whole flippin town probably knows by now as it was all over the scanner last evening and on the radio this morning. Matt was arrested yesterday evening and spent about 4 hours or so in jail. The charge is Rape, which is so wrong. All of the allegations are totally false. He has never ever done anything to harm anyone. This is a direct attack of the devil on our house. I would not wish this on anyone. Thankfully, he is home as we were able to bail him out last night and got home around 10:40 PM. This is the hardest thing we have ever been through, but we are holding fast to God's promises. He will not give us more than we can bear. The truth will come out, and God will prevail. I am trying to be strong for Sophie, but it's not easy. The hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life was to hear her cry for her daddy as they took him into custody. That will be forever etched into my memory. I am an emotional wreck even typing this out, but the grieving and healing process must start somewhere. I know that we have tons of friends and family supporting us and that helps a lot. I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and support.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Some of you know what is going on right now, but some of you don't. I do not feel free to write about what is going on as it can be accessed by anyone. I do, however, feel the need to express some of what is going on in our lives as we get ready to hopefully open a new chapter.
We, or at least I, have started going through things around here deciding what to keep, sell, trash, recycle, etc. We hope to move sometime in the very near future. We are talking probably a couple months or so if not sooner. Matt is currently job searching and hoping to find something in one of the surrounding states. I am currently not working (this was not our decision btw), so we are living off of Matt's income only right now. Things are really tight, and we cannot live like this for very long. We are hoping that Matt finds something very soon, so that we can start moving ahead and starting over so to speak. We are hoping that the current situation blows over, so we can move on with our lives.
As I go through things, I am packing stuff to keep or at least setting it aside in boxes to repack better at a later time. I am putting everything that we wish to sell in the extra bedroom, so that it will be easier to deal with when we are ready to have a yard sale. It is seriously crazy how much stuff 1, 2, 3 people can accumulate over the years. As I go through things, I find myself constantly asking why in the world I have held onto certain things. I am also finding a ton of paper trash as I go. It is also amazing how my perception of things changes as I decide how much stuff I really want to have to move to another place. It makes it a lot easier though, I think, to get rid of the stuff that we don't use or need.
I also find that I have a lot of duplicate baby stuff, toys, etc. that I no longer need since I will no longer be doing daycare even if I get my license back. There is no way under the sun that I am going to risk this type of thing happening again. The daycare is done. Therefore, I don't need a lot of the extra stuff that I have on hand. I am hoping that it sells well on a yard sale or that I can sell it on the classifieds or something. We need the money more than stuff right now.
I also just wanted to share that with this whole situation happening, Matt and I have become a lot closer in our relationship to one another. We are learning that our relationship is more important than a lot of other stuff. God has shown us that there really is hope and that we must lean on Him and trust Him with our lives. Through this experience, we have grown stronger in our walk with God and our walk with one another. This is definitely not the way that I would have chosen for us to become closer to one another, but God is in control and His will be done. God is leading and guiding us as we take things one day at a time. We are trying to look at the positives that this situation has brought about.
I would just ask for your continued prayers as we deal with this one day at a time. Thank you all for your love and support no matter what happens. We love you all very much. God bless.
We, or at least I, have started going through things around here deciding what to keep, sell, trash, recycle, etc. We hope to move sometime in the very near future. We are talking probably a couple months or so if not sooner. Matt is currently job searching and hoping to find something in one of the surrounding states. I am currently not working (this was not our decision btw), so we are living off of Matt's income only right now. Things are really tight, and we cannot live like this for very long. We are hoping that Matt finds something very soon, so that we can start moving ahead and starting over so to speak. We are hoping that the current situation blows over, so we can move on with our lives.
As I go through things, I am packing stuff to keep or at least setting it aside in boxes to repack better at a later time. I am putting everything that we wish to sell in the extra bedroom, so that it will be easier to deal with when we are ready to have a yard sale. It is seriously crazy how much stuff 1, 2, 3 people can accumulate over the years. As I go through things, I find myself constantly asking why in the world I have held onto certain things. I am also finding a ton of paper trash as I go. It is also amazing how my perception of things changes as I decide how much stuff I really want to have to move to another place. It makes it a lot easier though, I think, to get rid of the stuff that we don't use or need.
I also find that I have a lot of duplicate baby stuff, toys, etc. that I no longer need since I will no longer be doing daycare even if I get my license back. There is no way under the sun that I am going to risk this type of thing happening again. The daycare is done. Therefore, I don't need a lot of the extra stuff that I have on hand. I am hoping that it sells well on a yard sale or that I can sell it on the classifieds or something. We need the money more than stuff right now.
I also just wanted to share that with this whole situation happening, Matt and I have become a lot closer in our relationship to one another. We are learning that our relationship is more important than a lot of other stuff. God has shown us that there really is hope and that we must lean on Him and trust Him with our lives. Through this experience, we have grown stronger in our walk with God and our walk with one another. This is definitely not the way that I would have chosen for us to become closer to one another, but God is in control and His will be done. God is leading and guiding us as we take things one day at a time. We are trying to look at the positives that this situation has brought about.
I would just ask for your continued prayers as we deal with this one day at a time. Thank you all for your love and support no matter what happens. We love you all very much. God bless.
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