December 22, 2011

Oh, what a week this has been. It has been crazy around here. Sophie has been extra energetic and loud and has been driving me nuts. My mood and energy is all over the place. I have been trying to do the regular housework as well as some deeper cleaning off and on all week. Matt has had the car since his bike has a flat, and also since it snowed. I have been stuck in the house the majority of the time except when I can escape outside with Soph for a bit. I am going stir crazy and winter has only just begun. I am also extra tired, which isn't helping things. I have little motivation to get started, but once I do, then it's easy to overdo it. I just really want to get the house clean before our friends come over on Monday, and also just because I'm tired of looking at all the crap all over the place. I am doing some serious purging in hopes to be a bit more content in this house that we seem to not have enough storage space in. I know, however, that storage is not the real issue, the real issue is just plain having too much crap that we don't need. I am eager to purge stuff in order to be happier and have less to clean. It is hard enough to keep up with the clutter when you have a toddler. I am hoping that as I go through and purge that my attitude will get better and that we will be able to own our stuff and not have it own us. I will also be so glad when we have a baby and can get rid of the stuff that we don't need as the baby outgrows it. It will definitely free up a ton of space in the house. This is also the third day that I haven't had any pop or caffeine, and it is driving me crazy. Well, I should get back to cleaning. Good day everyone.

CA Trip

Today, is day #5 of our CA vacation and day #3 in Madera. It was nice this morning, so Sophie and I went for a nice, long, 4 mile or so walk. It was hot by the time we got very far, but it was nice to get out of the house for awhile. Sophie and I walked downtown and got drinks at one of the gas stations before heading back to Grammie's house. We ate lunch, and then the kids played in the water for a bit before putting them down for naps. I had a nice, quiet break for a couple hours at least. Now, the kids are awake, so we'll see what happens.

Day #4

Eventful day that started at about 7 AM. Sophie woke up and wanted milk, so I got her cup from supper the day before. It was one of the cheap, restaurant cups with a straw. I turned my back for one minute, and she promptly dropped it causing it to crack up the side and spill out the half a cup of milk that was left in it all over the hall rug. Then, I found ants in our bedroom all over our stuff. I was already not wanting to get out of bed, and that made it even worse. I was able to finally get Sophie to go back to sleep for a good nap later in the morning, and I was able to take one too. I woke up feeling a lot better, but still not totally refreshed. The rest of the day went somewhat better at least.


Day #3
Got up and left around 4:30 AM from the motel. Arrived at Crystal's mom's house shortly after 9:30 AM for breakfast and a break. Left from there and got to Madera early afternoon. We ate dinner at Spaghetti Factory with the cousins.

Day #2
Got up and left around 7:30 AM and drove to Vegas for the night. We ate at the Vegas IN N OUT. 

Day #1
Got up and left around 4 AM and drove to Palmer Lake, CO to visit Emily and Adelyn for a bit before heading to Grand Junction, CO for the night. It was nice to get to visit with Emily and see Adelyn. She is such a cutie. The trip through the Rockies was fairly uneventful, and the kids thankfully slept through the first part of it.

Just need to vent

Argh, I just have to vent somewhere. Why is it that I am always the one that ends up changing the most drastically? I am trying really hard to be supportive, understanding and meeting my husband's needs. So, why is it that he can't seem to do the same for me after saying that he is going to? I hate to complain, but I feel like I am the only one trying to change. I have lost count of the times that we have talked about this same exact thing and yet the same thing happens every single time. He's always saying that if such and such happens in our marriage then such and such will just naturally follow. Well, I'm sorry, but it never has and still isn't. I am tired, discouraged and feeling defeated. I am at a loss as to what to do because it doesn't seem to sink in to him no matter how much we talk about it. This whole mess has brought us closer in many ways, but some things just never seem to change. I need to stay in continual prayer in this area as it is something I continually struggle with. I can only control myself, so I need to adjust my attitude and realize that I am the only one who can make me happy. I cannot count on anyone else to make me happy. They can only add to my happiness. I just needed to get that off my chest as my feelings are really getting to me these past few days. It is not good to keep them pent up inside. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We need them for more than just the current circumstances. Thank you for being there for me and for us. Well, I am off to bed.

P.S. I did not type this to dis my husband but to share how I am feeling, so please don't take this the wrong way. My blog is the only way to get things off my chest as there is no one close-by that I feel free to share such things with. So, please respect my privacy and do not share this with anyone else. Thanks.

Well, it's happened.

I guess the cat is out of the bag now. The whole flippin town probably knows by now as it was all over the scanner last evening and on the radio this morning. Matt was arrested yesterday evening and spent about 4 hours or so in jail. The charge is Rape, which is so wrong. All of the allegations are totally false. He has never ever done anything to harm anyone. This is a direct attack of the devil on our house. I would not wish this on anyone. Thankfully, he is home as we were able to bail him out last night and got home around 10:40 PM. This is the hardest thing we have ever been through, but we are holding fast to God's promises. He will not give us more than we can bear. The truth will come out, and God will prevail. I am trying to be strong for Sophie, but it's not easy. The hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life was to hear her cry for her daddy as they took him into custody. That will be forever etched into my memory. I am an emotional wreck even typing this out, but the grieving and healing process must start somewhere. I know that we have tons of friends and family supporting us and that helps a lot. I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and support.

Some of you know what is going on right now, but some of you don't. I do not feel free to write about what is going on as it can be accessed by anyone. I do, however, feel the need to express some of what is going on in our lives as we get ready to hopefully open a new chapter.

We, or at least I, have started going through things around here deciding what to keep, sell, trash, recycle, etc. We hope to move sometime in the very near future. We are talking probably a couple months or so if not sooner. Matt is currently job searching and hoping to find something in one of the surrounding states. I am currently not working (this was not our decision btw), so we are living off of Matt's income only right now. Things are really tight, and we cannot live like this for very long. We are hoping that Matt finds something very soon, so that we can start moving ahead and starting over so to speak. We are hoping that the current situation blows over, so we can move on with our lives.

As I go through things, I am packing stuff to keep or at least setting it aside in boxes to repack better at a later time. I am putting everything that we wish to sell in the extra bedroom, so that it will be easier to deal with when we are ready to have a yard sale. It is seriously crazy how much stuff 1, 2, 3 people can accumulate over the years. As I go through things, I find myself constantly asking why in the world I have held onto certain things. I am also finding a ton of paper trash as I go. It is also amazing how my perception of things changes as I decide how much stuff I really want to have to move to another place. It makes it a lot easier though, I think, to get rid of the stuff that we don't use or need.

I also find that I have a lot of duplicate baby stuff, toys, etc. that I no longer need since I will no longer be doing daycare even if I get my license back. There is no way under the sun that I am going to risk this type of thing happening again. The daycare is done. Therefore, I don't need a lot of the extra stuff that I have on hand. I am hoping that it sells well on a yard sale or that I can sell it on the classifieds or something. We need the money more than stuff right now.

I also just wanted to share that with this whole situation happening, Matt and I have become a lot closer in our relationship to one another. We are learning that our relationship is more important than a lot of other stuff. God has shown us that there really is hope and that we must lean on Him and trust Him with our lives. Through this experience, we have grown stronger in our walk with God and our walk with one another. This is definitely not the way that I would have chosen for us to become closer to one another, but God is in control and His will be done. God is leading and guiding us as we take things one day at a time. We are trying to look at the positives that this situation has brought about.

I would just ask for your continued prayers as we deal with this one day at a time. Thank you all for your love and support no matter what happens. We love you all very much. God bless.

Ugh, I hate snow.

I am so sick of having the kids couped up in the house. I am going to go insane if they keep waking the baby up from his morning nap. Thank goodness, he goes home early today. I will be so glad when the kids can go outside again. I wouldn't mind taking them out in the snow, but they don't have extra clothes or snowpants or anything. I can hardly wait until naptime everyday. Today, is worse because 2 of  the kids came more than half an hour early. They are driving me crazy asking to eat every 5 minutes. They would eat me out of house and home if I let them. Argh, I am so sick of the snow and cold. It seems like all I do all day is yell at them for one thing or another. "Stop running. Leave him alone. Stop hitting. Leaver her alone. Give it back. Stop pushing. I saaaaiiiiidddd leave her/him alone." I totally need to get out for my own sanity. School seriously needs to not be canceled ever again this season. Thank goodness that tomorrow is Friday, and I only have 1 kid. I feel like I've been living on Dr. Pepper and cappuccino. I need a good set of earplugs. I am so ready for Spring.

Ugh, another snow day or should we say ice day

I am so sick of the "snow days." The 4 yr old that I watch drives me crazy on the days that she doesn't have school. Thankfully, I do not have the baby today. Why is it that it seems like the older ones give me a harder time than the younger ones when they should know better? It drives me crazy that I have to tell the older ones over and over and over again not to do something or to leave such and such alone because it's not a toy or it's not their, etc. I think the ideal age group of kids to watch would be around 12 mos. to 2 or maybe 3 yrs. I can tell already that they are going to drive me nuts today. It's not even 9:00 AM, and I'm wishing it were 5:00 PM already. I'm tired and definitely not ready for the week to begin. I am seriously hoping that it's so nasty tomorrow that no one can get to town, and I end up having the day off.

On a different note, I was able to get quite a bit done this weekend. I was finally able to get all the boy baby clothes put away, or so I thought. I came across one more small box of newborn to 3 month clothes that I missed. I got all of Sophie's outgrown winter clothes and some bigger clothes that I had accumulated. I still have some new summer clothes of hers that still need to be packed in boxes. The guestroom is finally getting to where you can partially see the bed and the floor. Little by little, bit by bit. You can finally walk in our room without dodging boxes. The pile of boxes and stuff in the corner of our room keeps getting smaller as Matt's dirty clothes pile (which I refuse to wash until it's in the hamper) keeps getting bigger.

Ugh, it's been awhile since I started this post. I am starting to not feel so well. I am hoping that I can make it through the rest of the day before I get sick. This is not good. I am just hoping that maybe God will time this right, and the weather will be where no one will be able to come tomorrow anyway. I can always hope, right? I am just hoping that I am not coming down with the stomach flu that has been going around, but it really seems like I probably am considering the symptoms. Ugh, this is not a good time to have the flu as it's only Monday.

Well, ta ta for now.

It's been a few days and I am so tired.

Today is going to be a long day. Sophie woke me up twice in the middle of the night early this morning. Then, the kids woke her up before 9 this morning. It's gonna be a long day. The kids are way too energetic for the lack of sleep I've had. At least the house is fairly clean. I got the dishes done this morning as well as the vacuuming. I have yet to do laundry since last week though. My "to do" list just never ends. Housework is one of those things that by the time you think you've finished, you have to start all over again. I am happy though that I have gotten a small bit of purging and organizing done upstairs. Slowly but surely, I have been going through things and consolidating. I still have to tackle the guest room though. It has clothes that Sophie has outgrown that need to be put into boxes, and a bunch of other stuff that just needs to be put away. The hallway also has a bunch of stuff that needs put away. Our bedroom seems to have a never-ending pile of boxes and stuff that need to be gone through, organized and put away. Either there is just not enough storage space in this house, we have too much stuff or both. I think I'll go with the latter; both. I have slowly been able to get rid of stuff, but it just never seems to be enough. I need another vacation just to get stuff done without being interrupted. Oh well, someday, I will get stuff done. |:o)

Early morning bliss

Oh, how I love the peace and quiet early in the morning even if I would rather be sleeping. I got up this morning at 6:30 thinking that my first child could be arriving by 6:40. But alas, it was not meant to be. I put the trash out in the early morning chill of winter after rushing around to put laundry upstairs, pick up a few misc. pieces of clutter and blankets that hadn't been picked up last night. After putting the trash out, I came back inside and sat down to relax before my next kids arrived. It is so peaceful sitting here in my chair listening to....absolutely nothing. Sophie and Matt are both still sleeping as is the rest of the world it seems. It is never this quiet for the rest of the day even at naptime as the world has awakened and is making its usual sounds. Well, my first kids have arrived, and so has the noise. The peace and quiet was nice while it lasted.

My baby is 2 today

Well, my baby turned 2 today. I can hardly believe it's been 2 years since she was born. The time has gone way too fast. She will be in school before we know it. Yikes!!! She is definitely going through the terrible two's and has been since about 18 months or so. She has an attitude and stubborn personality. She reminds me a lot of her uncle Ray. hehe. She is into everything. She climbs anything she can find to climb and is ingenious about finding a way to climb it. She stands on the knobs on the sink cabinet in our main floor bathroom to wash her hands all by herself. I can hardly believe that this is possible except I watch her do it time after time. She drags the stools around and uses them to reach or climb up on things. She is very mischievous. She is a rascal but just so darn cute that it's hard not to laugh or smile at times when she's in trouble. She is also way too smart for her own good. She loves songs and loves to dance. She will come up to me and go "eels on the bus?" and heaven forbid that you tell her "no." She also looks at you if she wants something pauses, looks at you with those little blue eyes of hers and goes, "peas!" How can you say "no" to that? hehe.

We have been potty training off and on since last September. Sometimes, she will go, and sometimes she won't. We're still having a lot of accidents, so I'm just going at her pace. We still spend most days in cloth diapers. Today, she's actually gone on the potty 3 times, but then she pooped her pants right after I put her down for her nap. She gets really excited when she does go, but has a hard time sitting still for very long. Even when she's on the potty, she can't stay still. I just hope that she trains soon because I am so tired of changing diapers. At least they are cloth, so we're not spending money buying sposies constantly or even pull-ups since I bought the cloth training pants.

She is definitely a mommy's girl, but knows how to get daddy's attention. She is a ball of energy and rarely sits still. The stillest that I have ever seen her is if you put in her "eels on the bus" video. She will pull her little rocking chair out and sit in it with head tilted upward to see the "TB." She is definitely one of those children that you know something is wrong if it is way too quiet, and she is nowhere in sight.

So, for her birthday, we are going out to eat with my parents with my parents tomorrow night. I am going to try to make her a school bus cake since her favorite song is "wheels on the bus." I found one online that I thought looked cute and easy to make. My plan is for us to go eat supper, and then come back here for dessert and to have her open her presents. We're not planning a party this year since we don't have any close friends around with kids her age really. I figure that we'll save the money and spend it on getting her 2 year pics done.

She has her 2 year checkup scheduled for Friday, so I will come back and post her newest stats.

Ugh, another week

I essentially end up only having the weekend to get everything done. It is also hard to get motivated on the weekend to do stuff when all I want to do is sit down and relax or do my own thing. It's hard to look forward to the weekend when I know I need to spend it cleaning the house. It is also hard to find time to do extra cleaning or organizing when I only have the weekend to do stuff. I have a lot of stuff I want to do, but very little time to do it in. It would be nice to have a couple weeks off (with my own babysitter) just to deep clean and organize the house without little ones underfoot. It also seems like every time I try to do stuff upstairs, the downstairs becomes a disaster area. I guess I need to put the gate up and pen Sophie upstairs with me, so she can't destroy the downstairs at the same time. Things sure are a lot more difficult once you have a baby. That baby also creates a lot more work. I love my Sophers, but life sure was a lot simpler before she came along. |:o) I wouldn't trade her for the world though.