Since it is in appropriate to post this on Facebook, I will post it here on my blog.
Stupid people rage. I don't care how close you live to me. You are not my friend, and I do not want you around. I especially do not care to let you know all the details about this baby and when it is coming or when it gets here especially considering you cannot take care of your own child. I would also appreciate it if you did not stop by at 9:30 at night. Who in their right mind thinks that is a good idea? Please stay away from me and my family, I do not want you bugging us. Can you not take a hint that we don't want to have anything to do with you? Here's your sign.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
It's a New Year
I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog, but it's a great way to vent frustrations and talk about how I'm feeling. Last week, was not a great week for me. Sophie got sick, and I've been feeling off since a couple days after she was sick. I have just been blah; not motivated to do anything. I can barely get out of bed let alone get up enough energy to do housework. Matt totally does not understand and isn't helping the situation at all. I am hoping that a lot of it is stress and anxiety about Matt's court hearing tomorrow even though it should be a no fuss hearing. I think a lot of it also has to do with worrying about finances and how we're going to pay the bills since Matt is the one making all the money right now. It's very hard and stressful when you are literally living paycheck to paycheck. Who would have thought a year ago that we would be in this situation.
I have to keep reminding myself though that God is in control and knows what is best for us. Satan is trying to get a foothold, but it is not going to work. I am firmly standing my ground in trusting God through all of this even though that is hard to do at times. It is very hard to not ask, "Why me?" But, I have to keep thinking, "Why not me?" It is God's way of refining his saints into something purer and better. God has a purpose in this, we just have to wait to see what it is even though the waiting is hard and long. We must continue to look for the blessings that God is giving us during this time. We are blessed to have family and lots of friends and acquaintances that support us. It would be far harder if we didn't have a support system, and if we didn't have the Lord. It looks like we are in this for the long haul. I just pray that God gives us the strength to continue on and not let this little bump in the road keep us from living our lives the way that he wants us to. We cannot put our lives on hold just because of a little speedbump. We must live every day like it is our last no matter what the future may bring. We cannot let this rule our lives and keep us from living. God has promised that he will not give us more than we can bear, and I am holding fast to that promise. I have also been standing on the promise of Romans 8:28 since this all began. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God has not promised us that life will be easy, and in reality it probably seems harder for those of us that are Christians because Satan is working very hard to pull us away from God. I cannot imagine going through this without God on my side. He is our refuge and our strength. A present help in times of trouble. I believe that we will get through this and that we will come out victorious in the end. We just have to wait on God and wait on his timing. Thank you dear Jesus for dying on the cross for our sins. It is not the Jews who put you on that cross, but we, the sinners, of the world.
I have to keep reminding myself though that God is in control and knows what is best for us. Satan is trying to get a foothold, but it is not going to work. I am firmly standing my ground in trusting God through all of this even though that is hard to do at times. It is very hard to not ask, "Why me?" But, I have to keep thinking, "Why not me?" It is God's way of refining his saints into something purer and better. God has a purpose in this, we just have to wait to see what it is even though the waiting is hard and long. We must continue to look for the blessings that God is giving us during this time. We are blessed to have family and lots of friends and acquaintances that support us. It would be far harder if we didn't have a support system, and if we didn't have the Lord. It looks like we are in this for the long haul. I just pray that God gives us the strength to continue on and not let this little bump in the road keep us from living our lives the way that he wants us to. We cannot put our lives on hold just because of a little speedbump. We must live every day like it is our last no matter what the future may bring. We cannot let this rule our lives and keep us from living. God has promised that he will not give us more than we can bear, and I am holding fast to that promise. I have also been standing on the promise of Romans 8:28 since this all began. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God has not promised us that life will be easy, and in reality it probably seems harder for those of us that are Christians because Satan is working very hard to pull us away from God. I cannot imagine going through this without God on my side. He is our refuge and our strength. A present help in times of trouble. I believe that we will get through this and that we will come out victorious in the end. We just have to wait on God and wait on his timing. Thank you dear Jesus for dying on the cross for our sins. It is not the Jews who put you on that cross, but we, the sinners, of the world.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
December 22, 2011
Oh, what a week this has been. It has been crazy around here. Sophie has been extra energetic and loud and has been driving me nuts. My mood and energy is all over the place. I have been trying to do the regular housework as well as some deeper cleaning off and on all week. Matt has had the car since his bike has a flat, and also since it snowed. I have been stuck in the house the majority of the time except when I can escape outside with Soph for a bit. I am going stir crazy and winter has only just begun. I am also extra tired, which isn't helping things. I have little motivation to get started, but once I do, then it's easy to overdo it. I just really want to get the house clean before our friends come over on Monday, and also just because I'm tired of looking at all the crap all over the place. I am doing some serious purging in hopes to be a bit more content in this house that we seem to not have enough storage space in. I know, however, that storage is not the real issue, the real issue is just plain having too much crap that we don't need. I am eager to purge stuff in order to be happier and have less to clean. It is hard enough to keep up with the clutter when you have a toddler. I am hoping that as I go through and purge that my attitude will get better and that we will be able to own our stuff and not have it own us. I will also be so glad when we have a baby and can get rid of the stuff that we don't need as the baby outgrows it. It will definitely free up a ton of space in the house. This is also the third day that I haven't had any pop or caffeine, and it is driving me crazy. Well, I should get back to cleaning. Good day everyone.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
CA Trip
Today, is day #5 of our CA vacation and day #3 in Madera. It was nice this morning, so Sophie and I went for a nice, long, 4 mile or so walk. It was hot by the time we got very far, but it was nice to get out of the house for awhile. Sophie and I walked downtown and got drinks at one of the gas stations before heading back to Grammie's house. We ate lunch, and then the kids played in the water for a bit before putting them down for naps. I had a nice, quiet break for a couple hours at least. Now, the kids are awake, so we'll see what happens.
Day #4
Eventful day that started at about 7 AM. Sophie woke up and wanted milk, so I got her cup from supper the day before. It was one of the cheap, restaurant cups with a straw. I turned my back for one minute, and she promptly dropped it causing it to crack up the side and spill out the half a cup of milk that was left in it all over the hall rug. Then, I found ants in our bedroom all over our stuff. I was already not wanting to get out of bed, and that made it even worse. I was able to finally get Sophie to go back to sleep for a good nap later in the morning, and I was able to take one too. I woke up feeling a lot better, but still not totally refreshed. The rest of the day went somewhat better at least.
Day #3
Got up and left around 4:30 AM from the motel. Arrived at Crystal's mom's house shortly after 9:30 AM for breakfast and a break. Left from there and got to Madera early afternoon. We ate dinner at Spaghetti Factory with the cousins.
Day #2
Got up and left around 7:30 AM and drove to Vegas for the night. We ate at the Vegas IN N OUT.
Day #1
Got up and left around 4 AM and drove to Palmer Lake, CO to visit Emily and Adelyn for a bit before heading to Grand Junction, CO for the night. It was nice to get to visit with Emily and see Adelyn. She is such a cutie. The trip through the Rockies was fairly uneventful, and the kids thankfully slept through the first part of it.
Day #4
Eventful day that started at about 7 AM. Sophie woke up and wanted milk, so I got her cup from supper the day before. It was one of the cheap, restaurant cups with a straw. I turned my back for one minute, and she promptly dropped it causing it to crack up the side and spill out the half a cup of milk that was left in it all over the hall rug. Then, I found ants in our bedroom all over our stuff. I was already not wanting to get out of bed, and that made it even worse. I was able to finally get Sophie to go back to sleep for a good nap later in the morning, and I was able to take one too. I woke up feeling a lot better, but still not totally refreshed. The rest of the day went somewhat better at least.
Day #3
Got up and left around 4:30 AM from the motel. Arrived at Crystal's mom's house shortly after 9:30 AM for breakfast and a break. Left from there and got to Madera early afternoon. We ate dinner at Spaghetti Factory with the cousins.
Day #2
Got up and left around 7:30 AM and drove to Vegas for the night. We ate at the Vegas IN N OUT.
Day #1
Got up and left around 4 AM and drove to Palmer Lake, CO to visit Emily and Adelyn for a bit before heading to Grand Junction, CO for the night. It was nice to get to visit with Emily and see Adelyn. She is such a cutie. The trip through the Rockies was fairly uneventful, and the kids thankfully slept through the first part of it.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Just need to vent
Argh, I just have to vent somewhere. Why is it that I am always the one that ends up changing the most drastically? I am trying really hard to be supportive, understanding and meeting my husband's needs. So, why is it that he can't seem to do the same for me after saying that he is going to? I hate to complain, but I feel like I am the only one trying to change. I have lost count of the times that we have talked about this same exact thing and yet the same thing happens every single time. He's always saying that if such and such happens in our marriage then such and such will just naturally follow. Well, I'm sorry, but it never has and still isn't. I am tired, discouraged and feeling defeated. I am at a loss as to what to do because it doesn't seem to sink in to him no matter how much we talk about it. This whole mess has brought us closer in many ways, but some things just never seem to change. I need to stay in continual prayer in this area as it is something I continually struggle with. I can only control myself, so I need to adjust my attitude and realize that I am the only one who can make me happy. I cannot count on anyone else to make me happy. They can only add to my happiness. I just needed to get that off my chest as my feelings are really getting to me these past few days. It is not good to keep them pent up inside. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We need them for more than just the current circumstances. Thank you for being there for me and for us. Well, I am off to bed.
P.S. I did not type this to dis my husband but to share how I am feeling, so please don't take this the wrong way. My blog is the only way to get things off my chest as there is no one close-by that I feel free to share such things with. So, please respect my privacy and do not share this with anyone else. Thanks.
P.S. I did not type this to dis my husband but to share how I am feeling, so please don't take this the wrong way. My blog is the only way to get things off my chest as there is no one close-by that I feel free to share such things with. So, please respect my privacy and do not share this with anyone else. Thanks.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Well, it's happened.
I guess the cat is out of the bag now. The whole flippin town probably knows by now as it was all over the scanner last evening and on the radio this morning. Matt was arrested yesterday evening and spent about 4 hours or so in jail. The charge is Rape, which is so wrong. All of the allegations are totally false. He has never ever done anything to harm anyone. This is a direct attack of the devil on our house. I would not wish this on anyone. Thankfully, he is home as we were able to bail him out last night and got home around 10:40 PM. This is the hardest thing we have ever been through, but we are holding fast to God's promises. He will not give us more than we can bear. The truth will come out, and God will prevail. I am trying to be strong for Sophie, but it's not easy. The hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life was to hear her cry for her daddy as they took him into custody. That will be forever etched into my memory. I am an emotional wreck even typing this out, but the grieving and healing process must start somewhere. I know that we have tons of friends and family supporting us and that helps a lot. I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and support.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Some of you know what is going on right now, but some of you don't. I do not feel free to write about what is going on as it can be accessed by anyone. I do, however, feel the need to express some of what is going on in our lives as we get ready to hopefully open a new chapter.
We, or at least I, have started going through things around here deciding what to keep, sell, trash, recycle, etc. We hope to move sometime in the very near future. We are talking probably a couple months or so if not sooner. Matt is currently job searching and hoping to find something in one of the surrounding states. I am currently not working (this was not our decision btw), so we are living off of Matt's income only right now. Things are really tight, and we cannot live like this for very long. We are hoping that Matt finds something very soon, so that we can start moving ahead and starting over so to speak. We are hoping that the current situation blows over, so we can move on with our lives.
As I go through things, I am packing stuff to keep or at least setting it aside in boxes to repack better at a later time. I am putting everything that we wish to sell in the extra bedroom, so that it will be easier to deal with when we are ready to have a yard sale. It is seriously crazy how much stuff 1, 2, 3 people can accumulate over the years. As I go through things, I find myself constantly asking why in the world I have held onto certain things. I am also finding a ton of paper trash as I go. It is also amazing how my perception of things changes as I decide how much stuff I really want to have to move to another place. It makes it a lot easier though, I think, to get rid of the stuff that we don't use or need.
I also find that I have a lot of duplicate baby stuff, toys, etc. that I no longer need since I will no longer be doing daycare even if I get my license back. There is no way under the sun that I am going to risk this type of thing happening again. The daycare is done. Therefore, I don't need a lot of the extra stuff that I have on hand. I am hoping that it sells well on a yard sale or that I can sell it on the classifieds or something. We need the money more than stuff right now.
I also just wanted to share that with this whole situation happening, Matt and I have become a lot closer in our relationship to one another. We are learning that our relationship is more important than a lot of other stuff. God has shown us that there really is hope and that we must lean on Him and trust Him with our lives. Through this experience, we have grown stronger in our walk with God and our walk with one another. This is definitely not the way that I would have chosen for us to become closer to one another, but God is in control and His will be done. God is leading and guiding us as we take things one day at a time. We are trying to look at the positives that this situation has brought about.
I would just ask for your continued prayers as we deal with this one day at a time. Thank you all for your love and support no matter what happens. We love you all very much. God bless.
We, or at least I, have started going through things around here deciding what to keep, sell, trash, recycle, etc. We hope to move sometime in the very near future. We are talking probably a couple months or so if not sooner. Matt is currently job searching and hoping to find something in one of the surrounding states. I am currently not working (this was not our decision btw), so we are living off of Matt's income only right now. Things are really tight, and we cannot live like this for very long. We are hoping that Matt finds something very soon, so that we can start moving ahead and starting over so to speak. We are hoping that the current situation blows over, so we can move on with our lives.
As I go through things, I am packing stuff to keep or at least setting it aside in boxes to repack better at a later time. I am putting everything that we wish to sell in the extra bedroom, so that it will be easier to deal with when we are ready to have a yard sale. It is seriously crazy how much stuff 1, 2, 3 people can accumulate over the years. As I go through things, I find myself constantly asking why in the world I have held onto certain things. I am also finding a ton of paper trash as I go. It is also amazing how my perception of things changes as I decide how much stuff I really want to have to move to another place. It makes it a lot easier though, I think, to get rid of the stuff that we don't use or need.
I also find that I have a lot of duplicate baby stuff, toys, etc. that I no longer need since I will no longer be doing daycare even if I get my license back. There is no way under the sun that I am going to risk this type of thing happening again. The daycare is done. Therefore, I don't need a lot of the extra stuff that I have on hand. I am hoping that it sells well on a yard sale or that I can sell it on the classifieds or something. We need the money more than stuff right now.
I also just wanted to share that with this whole situation happening, Matt and I have become a lot closer in our relationship to one another. We are learning that our relationship is more important than a lot of other stuff. God has shown us that there really is hope and that we must lean on Him and trust Him with our lives. Through this experience, we have grown stronger in our walk with God and our walk with one another. This is definitely not the way that I would have chosen for us to become closer to one another, but God is in control and His will be done. God is leading and guiding us as we take things one day at a time. We are trying to look at the positives that this situation has brought about.
I would just ask for your continued prayers as we deal with this one day at a time. Thank you all for your love and support no matter what happens. We love you all very much. God bless.
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